Eight Christmas Gifts You Never Wanted…
You have had your perfect Christmas gift in mind for months.
You have spent one too many afternoons gazing longingly into shop window displays, imagining how much better life will be once that gift is yours. You have laid down all the necessary groundwork. You have rung your mum and told her to spread the word, you have hinted incessantly over family dinners, you have even posted photos on Facebook followed by a string of smiley faced emoticons. It will be yours on 25th December… Or so you thought.
We have all been there, excitedly tearing open wrapping paper, only to discover an assortment of tat from a not-to-be named bargain homeware shop.
Oh the disappointment! Guess what, it can get even worse. Here are eight disastrous gifts we can all relate to…
1. The Embarrassing Gift
You are a 14-year-old lad, at the peak of your social game, chilling at home with friends. Grandma pops over with early Christmas presents. Great news, you can show off your cool new…
Your mates snort and snigger around you, as you watch your street credibility go down the drain. Seems unbelievable? Actually, the poor boy in this story is my brother. Regrettably, he made the same mistake the following year. However, this time, it was a Victorian lady’s address book.
At least all his mates were there to note down their contact details.
2. The Fashion Statement Gift
“What look are you going for these days? Are you still into that ‘rock chick’ style? Do you wear those Ugg boot things anymore?”
Being the fashion icons that we are, it is sometimes hard for relatives to keep up with our ever-changing images. I thought I would make it easy and ask for a simple winter hat. Apparently this was not a simple request. Instead, I received a cap made entirely out of silver beads with strings that finished at my lower back, complete with a beaded ‘fringe’ going across my forehead.
I looked like ABBA’s lovechild (with cold ears).
3. The ‘Cute’ Gift
Little kids like to give us presents all the time. Paper clips, bits of Blu-Tack, tissue etc. So when you receive a wrapped up gift, your heart begins to melt. Until you open it and find your favourite lipstick that you’d lost a month ago, worn down with dog hairs on it.
But, it is the thought that counts though, right?
4. The Practical Gift
Year in, year out, couples excitedly exchange gifts, hoping their Christmas wishes have come true.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the case for some…
For three years running, a friend of mine has received a black mountaineering backpack, which her mountain-climbing husband takes great pleasure demonstrating the functions of the multiple pockets.
She doesn’t even like mountain climbing.
5. The Insulting Gift
You think, maybe, just maybe, you did get your dream present. Maybe someone took note of all your hints for that amazing designer shirt.
They just bought it four sizes too big.
6. The “We’re Worried About You” Gift
Christmas is a time of showing your loved ones that you care. So, what better way than to buy a gift that says it for you?
When I was 16, I was infatuated with a boy who probably did not even realise I existed. After months of pining after this teen god, my mum gave me a book for Christmas. The front cover said in bold writing:
“He’s Just Not That Into You.”
Thanks Mum, I got the message loud and clear.
7. The “I’m Broke” Gift
Christmas really breaks the bank balance and sometimes we have to get creative. My friend loves Pot Noodles. Her younger brother was strapped for cash one year. He took a trip to Tesco, bought a Pot Noodle, wrapped it up and put it under the tree.
At least it was her favourite flavour.
8. The Recycled Gift
The classic. We’ve received a gift that we don’t want, so we try to pass it onto someone else. You get rid of the gift, whilst saving money; win-win. Except, you’re not winning when you re-wrap a present and give it back to the same person who originally gave it to you.
Word of advice: keep the name tags.
And whatever you do, do not make the same mistake I made: I was clearing out my bedroom drawers, finally disposing of all the bric-a-brac I have collected over the past decade and tossing it into bin bags. As I was hauling them downstairs, my auntie walked through the front door, the bags split and a hoard of Christmas presents she had bought me went tumbling down the stairs.
She’s given me money ever since.
Hopefully you received all the presents you asked for this Christmas and you’re currently looking on top form for New Year. However, if you can relate to one of these eight disasters, fret not as the local charity shop is always looking for donations. After all, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.