9 Tell-Tale Signs That You’re a Student at Christmas

Georgie is a second year Philosophy student / Raspberry Mojito enthusiast. When she’s not thinking or drinking, you’re likely to find her experimenting with new recipes or stalking Caitlin Moran on Twitter. She likes bargain hunting and trips to the seaside, and despite her best efforts to be cool, has become resigned to the fact that her life bears a striking resemblance to that of Bridget Jones.

It’s generally thought by the rest of the population that we students are incredibly easy to spot. Our baggy t-shirts, Home Bargains carrier bags and general air of can’t-be-arsed pulls us apart from the crowd and makes us more obvious than the punch line of one of Keith Lemon’s jokes. However, the festive season has made it apparent, even to me, an insider of the clan, how plainly obvious my student status is. In fact, I’ve found 9 tell-tale signs that I’m sure you’ll recognise as the true indication that you’re a student at Christmas.

1) You’re ashamed by the fact that your bank balance is verging on empty because in the last month you’ve just had to purchase anything precluded by the word ‘mulled.’ You don’t want, drink, or like red wine, yet somehow the idea of mulling makes it so much more appealing. And the Santa cup that it came in (an extra fiver) was just irresistible too. However, you’re now left both mulling and wining over your finances, made worse by the knowledge that you can’t actually afford anything to drown your sorrows in, mulled or otherwise.

2) With your state of finances in mind, your Christmas list this year is much more reminiscent of an Asda shopping list than something that should be sent off to Santa. Boring but expensive basics like deodorant, razors and stationary have become perfectly suitable substitutes for the extravagant gadgets and gizmos you asked for last year. You’d be thrilled with a voucher for an online shop or anything from the Sainsbury’s office supplies section, in fact why not make it:
3 French Hens
2 roll-on Doves
And a cartridge for your HP.

3) You’ve tried really hard to make your house or flat seem nice and festive. However, your resources are limited to what’s on offer in Poundland and a neon pink Christmas tree, donated by your housemate’s Nan, which she probably won at Bingo. You’ve also had to schedule when you’re allowed to put the fairy lights on, because a magical grotto-like atmosphere is not worth the bill that follows in January.

4) You have a new found respect for Santa’s elves since your unwanted gas bill has left you living in similarly arctic conditions.

5) There’s a sock hung on your housemate’s door handle but this doesn’t mean that it’s Christmas Eve. You have however made numerous inappropriate jokes over twitter about someone ‘coming down the chimney’ (always followed by #BantaClause, of course).

6) All Christmas music has taken on a very different meaning. You’ve been listening to ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ on repeat to try and make yourself feel festive, but have now realised that in your head you’ve replaced the concept of romance with that of a First in your Exams. The reason you ‘Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day’ is because it’s the one day you’re giving yourself off from revision, and your concept of the perfect ‘Silent Night’ is a silent disco in the Union.

7) When you say you’re expecting a White Christmas, you mean one filled with sheets of revision, Tipex and tissues. You know you’ll cry more over revision than you will at the end of It’s A Wonderful Life, and you’re not even ashamed any more.

8) You’ve had to pack up everything that you own just in case you’ll need it over the Christmas holidays. The only appropriate method of transport for yourself and all your belongings is Santa’s sleigh, however, all you have as an option is a busy, probably delayed train (not even the Polar Express) complete with a disgruntled look from the conductor for blocking the aisle with your suitcase.

9) You’re getting crazily excited about going home for Christmas, with the thought of having home cooked food and the chance to sleep in your own bed proving worthy of and advent calendar countdown. However, within a few days, the passive aggressive remarks from your mum (“are you using your suitcase as a new Christmas decoration, or are you planning on putting it away at some point?”) and the feeling that there’s nothing to do outside of Leeds is already starting to bring you down. You know that by Boxing Day you’ll have your own boxes packed and be waiting to get back Leeds, giddier than Elf confronted with the prospect of a cuddle.

Whether your Christmas will be spent getting sloshed, knuckling down for revision or just spending time catching up with the most important people from home (probably your pet, as that’s who you’ve missed the most, right?) I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Ho Ho Ho.

Georgie Bickerton


(Photo credit: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/218565388137866790/)

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