It’s just another classic midweek evening. It’s been a long day at the Laidlaw, I haven’t even made a dent in my never-ending reading list and I’m finally in bed;but I’m feeling restless. I toss and turn, trying to get comfortable but I just can’t get you off my mind! I stare at the ceiling then pick up my phone, scroll through the contact list and send the following text message;
‘Netflix & Chill? ;)’
How brilliant is 2015? Thank you, Internet memes and semantic drift; I can now avoid my fumbling British awkwardness to get what I want, when I want- for just £7.49 a month! So you pop round to my house, we make love all night etc. etc. and I even get to watch snippets of the US Office. My god is Dwight Schrute hilarious. A courtesy cuddle in the morning, you’re out the door and I’m having a good day. Everyone wins. We’re just keeping things light hearted and casual.
My Tuesday evenings consist of a very different kind of relationship- a tale of unrequited love between myself and various job websites- ‘Linkedin and Weep.’
Here’s how it goes….
It’s late, too late. I’m staring at my computer screen agonizing over my response. Was I too forward? Did I come across as too needy? I should be so used to rejection by now but every time it brings that very same sickly, empty feeling, that knocks down all my defenses leaving me as an emotional wreck. With what little confidence I have left, I throw myself onto the next one. Maybe this time it’ll be different? I may not be as experienced as the others, but surely motivation and transferable skills have to count for something, right?
Am I aiming too high? That’s just it. Why would someone like you be interested in a nobody like me? I promise once you get to know you’ll realisejust how much I really do have to offer you! But you’re all the same. Do you know how many nights out with friends I’ve turned down to spend an evening with you? Why do I feel like I’m the only one making an effort in this relationship? How can you be so cold? I was in it for the long haul; I’m talking an official, grown-up, long-term commitment. But I guess I was mistaken.
When it’s over, it’s always the same story. I buy Cadbury’s Fruit &Nut, have a few mugs of red wine and listen to Taylor Swift on loop; but your presence, or lack there of, it still haunts me. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing when I go to sleep. Your insidious siren’s call is inescapable; I’m always coming back for more. I guess I’ll have to accept that I’m going to be lonely and unemployed forever.