‘Recommend me a film.’
‘Uhh, ok, what are you feeling like?’
‘Like, comedy, within the past decade maybe?’
Ok, let’s just run through my mental list of films that fit that description and run a few by you. Worryingly, I’m not even being sarcastic. I legitimately have a mental list of films in my head with a list of actors and pointless trivia and, if you’re lucky, the date it was released ready to whack out at a moments notice – I’m handy in the film round at pub quizzes. Snow White was the first Disney film and was released in 1937, for future reference.
It’s a strange thing to realise that one of your defining characteristics as a human being is liking films. It will quickly become your fun fact in the god awful get-to-know-you seminar games, but just as quickly you realise that there are a number of things you end up doing as a film fanatic though that normal people really don’t do.
For example, I will cry about films far more often than is socially acceptable. No, I don’t mean when I’m watching them, I mean actually about the films. I’ve cried watching the trailer for Fantastic Four (they’re called nerd tears), which turned out to be a complete waste of time because it was absolutely awful and nearly made me cry all over again. My most memorable crying moment was definitely when I was living in Australia – I got drunk and realised that I wasn’t going to have time to take the two hour trip down to the nearest cinema in Melbourne and watch Zero Dark Thirty. I don’t even think I’m ashamed, it’s an incredible film and I was really hammered.
I also get far too excited about awards season, end up desperately wanting to watch everything and spending all of my money and time on going to the cinema. This results in a very panicked January when I realise I have a number of exams that I haven’t revised for and very little money to spend on actual essentials like food. Then, I end up staying up to watch the dodgy live stream of the Oscars that keeps buffering, seriously regret it when I remember just how fucking long those shows are, before falling asleep at 5 in the morning with a day of work ahead of me.
It’s a tough life, but someone has to do it. I swear to god though, if one more person expresses horror at the fact I haven’t yet seen Gone with the Wind/The Exorcist/Goodfellas; apparently it doesn’t make you a real film fan if you haven’t seen them. I’ll get round to watching them, I just have a degree to finish first. Plus, you’ll need to get my housemates off my back first – apparently the Notebook takes priority over Martin Scorsese.