I snack. I snack a lot. I love snacks. This is one of the core fundamental truths of my existence – eat and eat often. I eschew the traditional societal constructions of meal times – embracing a return to the life style of the hunters and gatherers. A time when one would be free to graze with gay abandon, free from the worry of “spoiling your dinner”. The idea that you must eat between the hours of 8-10, 12-2, and 6-8 leaves you hungry and wanting. I prefer to eat when I feel and what I fancy.
As a consequence of this, I always have food in my bag. We’re out on a daytrip and you get peckish, I have a cereal bar to hand in seconds. I’ve come over to chill and you realise you have no food in the house, I whip out a bag of popcorn and a bar of dark chocolate. You’ve got way too drunk at a house party and have not eaten in a while, I get a satsuma, 7 cherry tomatoes, and a packet of mentos out my bumbag (true story).
My true love of snacking has earnt me the title of snack queen and now I have established this accolade, I have to keep it up so constantly have a well-stocked cupboard with a variety of treats for all occasions. My shopping list consists half of ‘healthy’ food – eat clean and all that – and the rest of snacks. Marshmallows, biscuits, ice cream, cereal bars, crisps, chocolate, nuts, bite sized fruits. It’s like an 11 year old has been let lose in a supermarket in preparation for a midnight feast.
I fully expect my housemates to put on about three stone this year – they can attest to the fact that I am always trying to feed them up. Likenesses have been drawn between me and the witch from Hansel and Gretel. Constantly asking if people are hungry, if they want a biscuit, a hot chocolate, or a cup of tea – but when I am at my worst, or maybe best, is when someone is hungover. As someone who suffers from horrific hangovers, 2 day affairs minimum, I know how important food is in recovery. So when my housemates are yet to have eaten that day, I continually offer to cook for them and don’t stop nagging until they have. Whilst they might be annoyed by it at the time, an hour or so later they are generally grateful.
They may not be so grateful when they have to buy an entire new wardrobe due to having grown 2 sizes – but at least we won’t need the heating on as much due to the natural insulation we are all sure to have gained. There is little I will not do for snacks – whilst you might be drawn to careers evenings for networking opportunities or free wine, I heard there might be canapes. It’s raining and blowing a gale outside but I can see the lights of one stop and the lure of a packet of oreos. I have a 3000 word essay to write in one night and no motivation, but a starburst for every 100 words means I can get it done in under 6 hours. I encourage you to embrace the snacker life – eat and eat often. Snacks are bae.