Hammond convinces only child, Brexit, that it’s the taking part that counts.

Bradley discusses the loss of GDP after Brexit. Article may contain traces of satire. 

After receiving nothing but a prize for participation on sports day, 9 year old Brexit was reportedly reassured on Sunday that it’s the taking part that counts.

According to insider-sources, little Brexit was unable to find a partner for the three legged race, failed to place in the skipping competition, and lost £122bn in national GDP.

Fortunately, Philip Hammond was at hand to console the disheartened little-man. “So what if you fell over in the egg and spoon race, so what if, because of you, borrowing forecasts for 2017 have increased by £30bn? The important thing is that you were there and you gave it your all.”

Masking his disappointment at Brexit’s inability to hit anywhere near the archery target or to muster more than 2.4% growth next year, Hammond reportedly sat Brexit down and gave him a ‘participation award’ he’d made from some twigs and a cool shell.

“There you go buddy, look at that! I bet none of the other countries have an award like that.”

At press time, Brexit was heard overcompensating in front of his peers about how much potential he had. In the distance, Hammond could be seen arguing with Brexit’s mother as to why he’d told Brexit that there’s always next year, when in reality, he’s just not very good at sports or preventing capital flight.

Bradley Young

[Photo credit: http://castle2016.com/brexit/]

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