Northerner or Southerner … where’s the border?

Roll up roll up freshers! From the title of my article you can probably guess that I am about to try and divulge into the almost taboo concerning the North versus the South. What a load of rubbish it is too! But blimey, it has caused arguments, separated families and remains a strong bit of character in the North that gives us a feisty edge as we travel near and far. Now, if you choose to read this I am going to save you all a LOT of hassle, as I’m going to explain all the taboos I can think of that culminates in this renowned North vs South debate. And if you want to survive in the North you Southern readers, you’re going to absolutely love me!

Right, to begin with, in the vast majority of the Northern regions of our gorgeous England the food order of the day is Breakfast, Dinner, Tea – nothing else! Lunch is an urban legend we hear of from time to time but ignore as a fairy tale because it simply cannot exist. Tea, however, does also mean a cup of tea – but it is also commonly referred to as a ‘brew’ – and in Yorkshire it’s only ever going to be a Yorkshire tea bag you’ll find so don’t expect any Twining’s or PG Tips. You’ll be sadly disappointed. In addition to this, particularly where I am from in South Yorkshire, something you have a chip butty in is a BREADCAKE! No barm cakes, cobs, rolls or teacakes allowed. A tea cake, my friend, has sultanas in it and good old Mr Warburtons sells them in a purple packet from your local corner shop – and they are bloody delicious! If you ask for chips and a teacake you’ll get some funny looks and ‘sorry, what was that’ from your chip shop server. On the topic of chippys, I simply must discuss the nobel fishcake. Firstly, is it layers of potato fish potato ORRRR is it fish and potato mixed together and then battered??? You tell me. I personally believe it is potato fish potato after trips to my great-nana’s in Leeds on a weekend but even in my home town, in Yorkshire, the debate causes chaos! Finally, can’t not discuss the ever-loved night out. In the North; Jagerbombs cost £1, we drink flaming shots of sambuca to save us money and we couple this with pints of John Smiths. After talking to my friend, Jagerbombs in London cost as much as a fiver and the entry fee into clubs means you’ll be taking out a loan before you’re 20. Add that onto your student debt.

On a more general note, after various trips to our nation’s capital and other southern towns I must admit we seem definitely a friendlier bunch up North. I can’t walk my dog on a morning at home without a ‘Morning love’ or a smile. Personally, I have no issue with the isolation you Southerners have placed around yourself because not everyone is a morning person – TOTALLY understand – but I know for certain some people take offence at the lack of interaction. Just something to think about, when you’re doing the walk of shame on a morning and an old dear smiles and says ‘morning love’.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now … so I hope I’ve educated on life north of Northampton and I wish you all the luck in the world in your venture in God’s own county! You might need it…

Lauren Walker 

(Image courtesy of Google)