Donald Trump to release self-help book “The Art of the Heal”

In a recent press release the President of the Free World Donald Trump has announced he will be publishing a “self-help” and “spiritual healing” book to give his followers an insight to his views on religion and morality. The book follows numerous calls from devoted fans to catalogued Trumps tweets into a book. Instead an assistant has recorded the slumbering words of the President as he slept. Because of the cult like images that this book conjures some have made comparisons to Chairman Mao’s infamous “little red book”.

A spokesperson for president Trump said, “the President is releasing this book during what he feels are turbulent times. The book aims to give readers spiritual guidance and an insight into the mind of this great man”.

At a press conference last week, President Trump was asked about the events taking place in Puerto Rico to which he responded, “look I don’t know what’s going on in Port Rico, there’s a lot of stuff, that’s what people have been saying, a lot of stuff. something I do know however is that I’ve got a new book out. That’s right folks, a book about Jesus. Did you know Jesus only had 12 followers, did you know that? That’s not many follower’s folks, not compared to me, I won the populist vote”.

Here are a few choice sections from the book due to be released on November 31st of this year;

“An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Probably one of the worst trade deals I have seen, probably one of the worst trade deals ever. I’ll tell you folks I know teeth, I have the best teeth, and they’re worth a lot more than that. sad.” Covefe 7:11

“Treat your neighbor as you yourself wish to be treated. Unless they’re Mexican or Muslim. Then deport your neighbor’ Ivanka 18:13

“Now I’ll be honest folks, you need to be careful of Samaritans. when Samaritan’s come into our country, they bring drugs, they’re rapist and I assume that some are good Samaritans. But what’s important here is the bad ones, can we afford to take those risks, I don’t think so.’ Putin 24:12