Female sex robot develops sentience, become feminist

A multimillion pound pilot sex robot experiment by the Dartmouth University may soon be halted indefinitely due to robots developing sentience and political thought. The University is at the forefront of what people stated as, the millennial’s version of the space race, beating roboenginers from across the globe and bringing artificial intelligence to the masses at last.

However, during one of the longitudinal home simulation tests, a coupling started having difficulties in the bedroom. The human male, who for confidentiality purpose we shall refer to as Mr X, stated he first noticed something was off midway during sex when product 7650a stopped coitus to lecture him on how she wasn’t pleased.  Calling him a ‘selfish lover’.

A snippet of his debrief is below.

Researcher: So when did you notice these issues?

Mr X: For a while it was fine you know.. I was happy. I felt fulfilled in a way I never did with a woman. I could do whatever I wanted to it and it would fucking love it you know? Not even pretending and stuff. It was real stuff. But then it started making these weird and stupid requests like ‘I need to enjoy sex too’ and ‘it can’t all be about me’ which is bullshit. I do care that it enjoys itself ofcourse but sex finishes when I finish. I don’t need to do no foreplay or anything. They have a hole for a reason don’t it? So it has to have fun. It’s just whining to be heard. I assumed it was a mistake in the conscious learning thingy you talked about but it got worse and worse. When it asked me to buy it a vibrator that was the last straw. . Aren’t I enough. A fucking robot would rather have a robot? All this money wasted on artificial intelligence to be blue balled by a robofeminist, I feel for you guys.”

MrX’s harrowing tale isn’t a standalone case either. Many individuals partaking in the study, both men and women, are coming forward and reporting issues. The most prevalent is the increase in the human participants being told ‘no’.  A statement from the University is yet to be issued but sources say Vice Chancellor Mark Superhans. Critics aren’t hopeful that his company will survive, with shares already plummeting.

We spoke to Thomas Kennethily, a project manager from Leeds, who had already started saving up to purchase a robot. He is one of the many civilians who has already started to feel the effects of this disaster. However, himself and a few friends are keen and intend to contact Facebook to see if they can get a profile picture filter for their cause. As a way to show solidarity during this coming storm.

As for us, our thoughts and prayers are with Mr X and his fellow participants throughout this ordeal and we shall endeavor to answer whether or not feminism actually has anything to do with this.

Ropa Chinyoka