White male activist group demand safe spaces

Reports of white men wanting safe spaces are on the rise. In the last year studies suggest that 73% of white, heterosexual cis-gender men take offense at being called privileged and demand safe spaces to discuss their ill-treatment.

Terry from Swindon explains, “I just feel quite left out these days. Where’s our recognition anymore?” Terry stuffs a squat fist into a pack of wotsits and continues, “It’s just not really fair. There’s a woman’s day, a black history month, a gay pride. I’d like to see more celebration for being a white, heterosexual man.” When told that every single day tends to automatically do this, Terry has the expression of a confused four year old, and scratches his balding head with two cheesy fingers.

“When someone calls me privileged it’s just totally uncalled for,” defends 64 year old Anthony from Windsor as he flicks through Country Life, his bottle green corduroy trousers matched exquisitely with the pastoral wallpaper in his living room. “Sure, I’ve led a fairly hedonistic life but that doesn’t mean I’ve not had difficulties. It’s just ridiculous to say that I’m privileged. I grew up outside of the Royal Boroughs for God’s sake!”

Jerimiah leans back in a camp-chair with a rolled cigarette hanging loosely from the corner of his mouth, he twists a blonde dreadlock between his fingers and says, “I just don’t see what the fuss is about with everyone needing their days and months and spaces and societies. I just see everyone as equal, you know?” I ask him if he thinks we should just ignore the fact that the society we live in has evolved from a systemically racist and sexist history. “I think we just gotta work as one fluid organism, man. Although, if other groups are getting specific celebrations, we should too”.

Many men refused to articulate actual sentences, instead sporadically grunting and shaking their heads.

Mary Pattisson