University to offer therapy porcupines to students

Leeds University is to offer therapy porcupines for students, in an apparent wellbeing exercise, designed to ease student’s stress. Prickly creatures not known for their affection, University administrators have arranged for the hedgehog-type creatures to be brought to campus next week. Easily accessible in the locked toilet of the Laidlaw Library basement (behind the smallpox laboratory), students will be able to handle the small mammals. Carefully.

“It was this or properly funding counselling services “said spokesperson Ebenezer Trunchbull “and we’ve got our finger on the pulse of what students find totally groovy.”

Leeds University Union expressed a cautious welcome for the plans, although expressed a disappointment at the lack of printer credits offered.

Wellbeingness and Enthusiasm officer Blanche Prefect says “This is a perfect example of the University engaging with the real students, who have been crying out for quill-based therapy. We cannot wait for other students to take up this incredible, if spiky, offer.”

There has been concerned raised, however, that that these fragile, nocturnal and exotic animals should not be exposed to the porcupines as it might startle them – causing them to attend even less lectures than usual.

Nonetheless, with all the preparations made, and a veritable blitz of publicity, (that even extended to a small notice in the window of Essentials), the porcupines seemed poised to make a sharp impact on mental health services provided at Leeds.

The University also announced a £4 million research project into porcupine therapy, with most of the funds going towards porcupine-sized pianos

Daniel Katz