The Male Loneliness Epidemic

A recent Nesta survey found that 26% of men in England aged 16 to 34 report feeling lonely at least some of the time, highlighting a lack of genuine human connection in the capacity of platonic and romantic relationships experienced by men in our society. Who is to blame for male loneliness? Found at the core of this ‘epidemic’ lies the adherence to patriarchal ideology, which is exacerbated by the consumption of ‘red-pill’ media. In essence, ‘red-pill’ media is media directed at men to display misogyny and various other discriminatory ideals as the so-called truth. Since the COVID-19 lockdowns, social media dependency has proliferated amongst young adults; consequently, this has seen the rise in the production of ‘red-pill’ content. 

Through the growing popularity of misogynistic public figures, such as Andrew Tate, vulnerable men are being monopolised by the manosphere, which promotes misogynistic and antifeminist ideals. By consuming and transmitting this hate speech, men exclude themselves from other communities by default. Such alienation is what public figures target as they capitalise on the social isolation of impressionable men. In their seclusion, young men are increasingly susceptible to this content as it provides them with a source of blame. The anti-woman rhetoric they are fed inclines them to burrow further into these toxic communities out of a falsified fear of social rejection. This toxic media portrays women as solely sexual objects, isolating the potential to see the value of platonic companionship with women. Subsequently, this deprives these men of the authentic, refreshing experience of female friendship. This sense of exclusion, paired with the influx of misogynistic media, breeds the idea of male supremacy, driving a wedge between these men and the object of their sexist slander, women.  

The notion that this social crisis is an “epidemic” is misleading; an epidemic implies it is out of your control, except this is not so. This social crisis is a politically weaponised campaign induced by the far-right to sow discord between men and women in an attempt to reintroduce male chauvinistic ideals into society. To combat the affliction of the manosphere in our society, the introduction of communities which promote positivity and equality is vital. Evidently, social media has such a vast impact on young adults; the warped dimensions of online activity and real-life interaction are critical in understanding the spread of this hate speech. By mass consuming this selfsame anti-women content, it influences how these viewers interact with women in real life. This then emphasises the importance of consuming media produced by positive male influences, as it can steer men away from reapplying the teachings of toxic media. 

The feeling of loneliness can be daunting, and when young men are fuelled by male chauvinistic content from ‘red-pill’ media outlets, it is easy to use women as a scapegoat, a justification for their despondency. The toxicity in their community feeds their egos and simultaneously places the blame on women. As such, they begin to resent them, further reinforcing this divide. It is an easy trap to fall into, as the concept of male camaraderie, albeit in this case damaging, is appealing to those who are isolated. 

The feeling of solitude can be commonly experienced during university, especially throughout the transitional period of moving from home and settling into your new life. If actions are not taken to prevent it, this can be a very vulnerable time, and with that ensues the danger of falling into these toxic communities for the desire of togetherness. While change can be unnerving, it can also be a wonderful thing, a chance to positively impact your well-being and come into your own – and there is no place like university to make these positive changes! A great way to meet like-minded people at university is through societies; shared interests are often the gateway into forming strong companionships — and the University of Leeds has plenty to choose from! If social fitness is of interest to you, run clubs such as Moova operate in Leeds to facilitate friendships amongst active people. Additionally, if you are living in student housing, there is a strong likelihood of your surrounding neighbours also being students, knock and introduce yourselves — or even post a note through their letterbox!

Investing in quality friendships is imperative for your overall happiness and for building the foundations of your own encouraging communities. Become the type of person you wish to attract; reach out to your friends and instigate emotional conversations, since these are fundamental in strengthening your desired kinship. Embrace your emotional vulnerability, it is your human nature to feel and express your passions — don’t compress them! Upon beginning to express yourself, you will find freedom in your vulnerability, and once you truly establish yourself, you will attract the kind of people who value you. How can you expect to find your people if they can’t see you for who you really are? 

Finally, it is okay to let go of people who do not serve you or your well-being. Everybody is worthy of a friend who cares about them, a person who actively invests in your friendship. Sometimes, removing something that does not benefit you creates room for something wonderful to blossom, a true emotional connection, one of the foremost blessings of humanity.     

Words by Ruby Cooney