Surviving and thriving in long-distance relationships

I will not lie, long-distance relationships are hard. However, it is not an impossible thing for every couple to eventually succumb to. 

The old saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, is a romantic notion, yes, but it is also true. Long distance is a challenge for couples that, when you make it through the hard parts, is an opportunity for growth, as individuals and as a couple. 

Last year, my boyfriend and I went on our separate study abroad years – I was in Germany, and he was in Canada. We had an eight-hour time difference and 4,708 miles between us for a year. At times it felt impossibly hard to get through, but we made it and became stronger and healthier than before – both separately and together.  

These four bits of advice I used should help you to map out your way through this challenge:

Set boundaries 

You would be surprised how much easier things become after one honest conversation. Take the time to think about and discuss what you both want from the relationship. Be clear about your own desires for your future and university. Being on the same page about topics such as how free you will be to chat, is one of the most helpful things for avoiding conflict. 

Communicate (but not too much)

Yes, open and honest communication is the backbone of any relationship, but constant messaging just as a ‘tick off’ of staying in touch is a common pitfall. It is so easy to feel disconnected when you are miles apart and living in different worlds, so regular, meaningful conversation is important. I recommend one night a week dedicated to an online date night (watching a movie or making dinner) and at least two phone calls catching up on a deep level. Obviously, texting regularly is fine but be careful not to get carried away and forget to be present in your surroundings!

Focus on having your own experience 

University life is such an important period for personal growth, and focusing on your social, personal, and academic well-being will make your relationship stronger. Remember, a relationship is two individual people choosing to come together, not to be co-dependent on each other. Trust is the foundation of helping you maintain your own independent life. 

Plan visits 

Having an end date to being apart is one of the best soothers when it gets tricky. Having something to look forward to, even if it seems far away, will help you to keep excited about a shared experience. 

Ultimately, distance can make the heart grow fonder, but only with effort and commitment. Long distance is a challenge for couples that once you make it through shows that you are meant to be together — and there is no better feeling.