Politics at the Dinner Table: The Difficulties of Generational Political Differences

A recent family trip that I went on began as all should: a reunion to celebrate an elderly relative’s birthday and enjoy some fish and chips by the sea. However, once the topic of politics came up, our trip quickly turned into a tense meal, a bottle of wine being poured down the sink, and an abruptly absent uncle. It’s safe to say that I’m aware of how uncomfortable political discussions with family members can be. 

While politics is a popular and important topic of conversation, the issue is how these conversations can quickly turn sour. We need to think about how it can be approached in a productive way, without a good bottle of wine going to waste. I believe that a beneficial starting point, though it may sound obvious, can be keeping in mind the context of the other person’s beliefs as well as your own:

Understanding context

Most young adults will have family that grew up in a time and place that is very different to where they live now. My dad grew up in the 1970s in a small and predominantly right-wing and white working-class town, whereas I grew up in London, a melting pot of different cultures and economic backgrounds. The difference in our views is noticeable and can be trying, but the differences I have with his family, who never left their small town, can be drastic. I think many students find themselves in similar situations after leaving a small town for university, where they may be exposed to new people, cultures and ideas. Empathising with family who didn’t have those cultural and educational opportunities reminds me that nuance is needed in these intergenerational political run-ins.

Changing the end goal

Another important thing that can reshape the way you approach these conversations is moving the goalpost altogether. Most political debates or arguments entail both sides wanting to change the other’s mind. Instead, I try to have the goal of helping them understand my point of view, while simultaneously trying to gain a better understanding of theirs. Realistically, in impassioned discussions like this, you are unlikely to be willing to change your view, especially when it comes to fundamental parts of your belief system. I know that I often feel this way. Additionally, older generations may tend to turn their noses up at young people and see them as naïve, just as we may perceive their ideas as outdated. This makes the goal of changing each other’s opinions deeply impractical. Sharing your views and listening to theirs is a way to better round out your opinions, or perhaps solidify them, which is far more productive. Also, openly stating this approach at the table can make the whole experience far less tense and take the pressure off the debate.  

Grounding yourself

Lastly, I find it really grounding and reassuring in these situations to simply remove the weight that others’ opinions have on my life. Being surrounded by family who hold different ideologies can be emotionally exhausting and disheartening. When I feel like this, I take a moment for myself to remember that outside of this, I’m surrounded by friends and colleagues who share similar, if not the same, political conclusions as me. I take comfort in the fact that these political conversations won’t be as draining. Entering political conversations with the knowledge that you already have like-minded people around you makes them so much more manageable. 

Hopefully, these ideas will be of some use to those who, like me, have a slight feeling of dread upon sitting down for a family meal. Perhaps, rather than feeling demoralised after the topic of politics rears its ugly head, you can feel as though you have a better understanding of other people, despite their conflicting views.

Or, maybe, it would be better for all of us to just stick to a lighter topic like religion, money, and why you’re still single. 

Words by Romy Stangroom