Healing After Heartbreak: How to Find Your Bearings After a Break-Up

Heartbreak is a loss of direction. You’re grieving somebody who is very much still alive, yet you no longer have access to them. Your usual routine with this person no longer exists, and you find yourself thinking of ways to fill the spare time you would usually spend with them. Your future becomes unknown, and emotional chaos follows: sleepless nights, loss of appetite and a disinterest in most things. How do you heal from this situation?

Let yourself feel

The healing process of a breakup is not linear. One day, you can feel as though you’re over it, and another day, you might spend it crying. Both are okay. To heal from heartbreak, you need to let yourself feel fully. Spend some days watching romcoms and crying in bed, other days take yourself to the gym and go out with friends, but know there is no shame in sadness. You must allow yourself to not be okay without self-judgment, until one day you are (because you will be.) There is no rush during the healing process. For some people, it may take a couple of months, and for others, it may take a year – but healing is about figuring out who you are with this person no longer in your life. Realise that one day you will wake up, and things won’t feel as heavy. In fact, something that you felt was the worst possible thing to happen to you has opened new doors and new opportunities.

Reconnect with yourself!

As a young person, especially, being in a relationship takes over your life as you seem to spend every waking moment with them. So, when they’re no longer in your life, what do you do?  This is the time to figure out who you are as an individual, to find out what you enjoy doing. Baking, journaling, reading, hiking, there are so many things that you can do for your body and your mind, giving you a chance to find out who you really are. Not just somebody’s girlfriend, but your hobbies, your passions, everything that makes you you. Replace this with the old routine you once had. When I was going through a hard breakup, I found it confusing.  Where do I put this huge amount of love that I have for this person? I could no longer tell them or show them, so I put it back into myself. After a breakup usually comes this enormous self-love period. You’re focusing on yourself, you see your family more, and you get to spend more time with your friends. Think of the positives! When you’re no longer in a relationship, you can be selfish; you don’t have to think about anyone else — take advantage of this.

The power of support

The aftermath of a breakup may make you feel like you just want to hide away in isolation. You might catch yourself wanting comfort from the very person who hurt you. This is natural; it is human to want connection, especially something that is so familiar to you. But comfort doesn’t always have to be romantic. This same comfort can be given by friends or family, and it doesn’t have to be a solitary process. You shouldn’t feel ashamed to show this sadness to the people who love you. Simply having a conversation with someone about how you are feeling can lift this heavy weight off your shoulders. Spend more time with your friends, go out and dance, go for walks or even just watch a film in bed because their comforting company is comparable.  

Ultimately, healing is not about completely forgetting about this person — you loved them and you share happy memories with them. Healing is about finding out who you are, letting yourself feel and experiencing life by yourself. It’s about moving forward and not allowing this nostalgia to stop you from experiencing new things and new people – and one day you will be okay. 

Words by Olivia Carolan