Single, not ready to mingle

When Rapunzel looked out of her window and wondered when her life would begin, was she longing to build a life for herself beyond her tower, or for a man to appear whom she could threaten with a frying pan, before falling hopelessly in love with him? Growing up, we were fed different variations of the same story: a young person takes their first steps into the adult world and their success in doing so is measured by their ability to fall in love. Why does the topic of being single make us so uncomfortable and why is it treated as a transitory phase that must end in order to move forward in life?

Societal Lie no. 1: Being single is synonymous with being a loser.

If I were to confess to my younger, high school self that I have been single for well over a year and a half now, she would cringe and ask if I was sad and lonely. I would probably respond by asking her how her broken friend group was doing and which toxic girlfriend/situationship she was dating now. The truth is, I have never felt the same level of self-confidence and freedom as when I am not actively pursuing a relationship. Sure, being in a relationship feels good, and there are times I long for a girlfriend, but since taking the pressure off myself to constantly be chasing my ‘one true love’ (whoever she may be), I have actively grown into myself, and possibly become a cooler version of myself as a result. Dressing in styles that appeal to me, attending the events I want to go to, developing my own hobbies- all of these things have created a comfort in my own skin. If Mrs Right were to come along, I would probably be able to offer her a far more self-assured, warm, and fun person to be around than if I was recovering from a broken relationship, and dealing with identity crisis no. 20 of the day.

Societal Lie no. 2: Happiness, in its purest form, will only be reached once you find true love.

It’s a cliché, but university has been some of the best years of my life so far. Yet, other than a few bad Hinge dates, I haven’t really thought about romantic love. Instead, I have been full to the brim with platonic love. Every week, my housemates and I religiously organise plans to get dressed up, go out to weird and wonderful social events, and make core memories together. It would almost be insulting to them, to myself, and to the fun we have if I was to wish that away in exchange for a romantic relationship of some kind. That isn’t to say that romance should be time-consuming to the point of being unable to have fun with friends. But sometimes I wonder if I want or need a romantic relationship when I have my friends- whose company I love, and who I love as people- to go on fun and inventive dates with every week. Those friendships also don’t come with the pressure of wondering where you are ‘at’ with someone, worrying that your relationship might someday be over, or that eventually one of you might decide to get down on one knee.

Societal Lie no. 3: Being single should be treated as a transitory stage before your next romantic relationship.

As I have established, being single provides you with the opportunity to discover new interests, different quirks that make you YOU, and invest in long-term, fulfilling friendships. So instead of wondering when your life will begin and whether a romantic partner is on the horizon, enjoy all the perks of being alive, well, and single now! And the next time a relative gives you a sympathetic look in response to your singleness, give them one back, because deep down they probably wish they had some of the freedoms you do.

Words by Lydia Stephenson