2021: Reflecting with Kindness II

Celina Tran on 14 January 2022

I spent the last new year’s celebration with my dog, Bear, and my other half in our quiet, small city apartment. Following the night, I wrote my first Reflecting with Kindness article, which was about taking a break and not being so harsh on yourself regarding new year’s resolutions, especially considering the pandemic that left us all locked up for months. 

2021 has been slightly different to its predecessor. As life began returning to normality, so did my expectations of myself, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. After a year of doing nothing but taking a break, I had every intention of making up for 2020’s laziness.

I’m probably not the only one who’s still harsh in my reflection upon the year, almost stupidly so. Last year, I found it reasonable to completely scrap my resolutions. This year, I’ve come to realize that there’s absolutely no point in moping about what I didn’t do when I can appreciate what I did do. 

Did you meet new people? Maintain old relationships?

Growing apart, breakups and fights are normal, sometimes even healthy. But those around you right now? Those whose presence makes you smile, whose presence you linger in? You fought for that.

I’ve had the realisation that my boyfriend and I actually need to keep doing romantic couple things to maintain our relationship. I’ve also realised that I need to call my cousins and friends to stay in touch with them. Maintaining a relationship is so much effort, so if you did, good on you.

Did you get to know yourself? Grown? 

To many of us, the world as we know it is fast-paced, never-ending. Don’t lose yourself in the crowd.  

I’ve gotten to know a lot of people this year, but the most important one is a girl who’s been with me all my life. I’ve not always been the kindest to her, but I’ve spent the year learning more about myself. Getting to know yourself is a never-ending learning curve, and remember, flowers only bloom in the right conditions. Treat yourself with kindness, always. 

What have you done for others?

Didn’t solve world hunger or the climate crisis this year? Don’t worry, I didn’t either. 

But I bet you comforted a friend in distress or picked up an item a stranger dropped in one of those thousands of Morrisons aisles. Perhaps you’re the person who always smiles awkwardly at strangers who pass you, or maybe you’re the one who always compliments your classmates’ handwriting. 

I always feel awkward complimenting people even though I really want to, and I bet I’m not the only one. But having been on the receiving end of when someone does or says something kind has improved the worst of days, so I say go for it. The feeling you leave them with is priceless, and you’ll be happy you did it.  

If your list of successes isn’t as long as your list of failures, I still bet you had a lot of tiny victories. It’s the small things that matter, so bask in your tiny glory (even if said glory takes form in a lampshade rather than sunlight). As I said last time, this year is just another small step in the marathon that is life. Try not to stress, you will do and experience amazing things, and after all, Rome wasn’t built in a day. There’s still a long way to go, so as we’re approaching the new year, reflect upon this one with kindness.

Why I’m Glad I Failed My New Year’s Resolutions

Amy Punchard on 14 January 2022

This year, I officially did not achieve any of my nine New Year’s resolutions.

I did hardly any exercise, I didn’t drink enough water, and I ate far too much sugar. My routine went out of the window, I had my five-a-day about twice, and I didn’t spend much time outside. I didn’t brush up on my German, and I didn’t read a single book.

So, why do I still consider 2021 as one of my best years yet?

I’ve always been an overthinker and a serial organiser. I spend so much of my time thinking about mortgages, imagining how my career will look in 10 years time, and even planning my retirement. But in 2021, I finally learned how to live in the present rather than the future. I shut these thoughts out of my mind, took time for mindfulness, and started to focus on just enjoying each day as it comes – and as a result, my mental health is the strongest it’s been in years.

I do feel guilty about not achieving some of my resolutions, but at the same time I’m immensely proud of other things I achieved; I let go of grudges, I became kinder, I smiled and laughed more, and I mastered lots of new knitting skills. After all, the real purpose of New Year’s resolutions is to make us happier in life, and I’m certainly happier with mine.

In spite of everything I’ve said, I still fully intend to sit down on New Year’s Eve and write another long list of resolutions that I probably won’t achieve. Because what I’m trying to say through this article is not that New Year’s resolutions are pointless or unachievable, but that they are only useful when you don’t put unhealthy pressure on yourself to achieve them, and when you also take time to appreciate all the other wonderful things you’ve done and felt during the year. 

Research has suggested that people are more likely to achieve their goals when they make them at this time of year – life doesn’t come with a pause button, so it’s an ideal time to reflect and refresh. 

2021 has been a difficult and strange year for all of us, so if you’re in the 50% of us who will be sitting down with a pen and paper on the 31st of December, I hope you’ll take a moment to feel proud of yourself first. Did you make someone smile? Did you cook a new meal? Did you spend some time doing something you love?

Finally, my advice for your 2022 New Year’s resolutions is this: be vague! 

Whilst most articles will tell you that goals need to be specific, I believe that’s more likely to leave you disappointed. Rather than pledging to exercise every day, I’m just going to put ‘do more exercise’ because that way, even if I only go to the gym once, instead of being disappointed that I failed 364 times, I’ll simply be proud that I went once more than I did this year.

A Glimpse of Christmas at Temple Newsam

Anushka Searle on 23 December 2021

This year Temple Newsam has introduced their after-dark illuminated trail. The trail is a perfect way to get into the holiday spirit. The trail takes you around the already-beautiful grounds and encapsulates you with twinkling lights and Christmas music. Each section of the trail offers a different form of illumination, from fluorescent string to actual fire, with some accompanied with special effects or magical instrumental songs.

My favourite visual effect was a tunnel of trees that was filled with moving green dots, that looked like shooting stars, which was accompanied with smoke which reminded me a lot of the forbidden forest in the Warner Bros. Studio tour. Although, as the trail is dog-friendly we brought along Buster, and he was a little freaked out by the smoke. That being said, Buster was a big fan on the lights, and I would definitely recommend this as the most extravagant dog walk to treat your pups to this Christmas.

There are also food and drink stalls at the start and middle of the trail which include Cadbury’s hot chocolate, yummy waffles, and a roast-your-own marshmallow stand! Although I will say the hot chocolate was a tad overpriced, considering it was £4.50 but they had run out of the marshmallows and chocolate sauce that was meant to go on top.

If you have a child, a young sibling or even a young cousin then I would recommend bringing them on this Leeds trail as it is full of Christmas magic and there is even a Santa Claus. Santa was great with the children, and they seemed absolutely awed by him.

If you have never been to Temple Newsam before than I would recommend it all year round as there is a Tudor-Jacobean house (great for the history buffs) that you can explore, which was once home to Mary, Queen of Scots and is rumoured to be haunted by The Blue Lady. There is also a farm on the grounds that always has lots of cute animals and babies during springtime.

So, what are you waiting for? Get yourself down to Temple Newsam and immerse yourself in the history and wonder of this beautiful park.

Buy Tickets here: https://christmasattemplenewsam.seetickets.com/raymondgubbay/christmas-at-temple-newsam

Winter Self-Care

Abby Backhouse on 11 December 2021

The days are short and the weather is below freezing so here are Abby Backhouse’s top tips on taking care of yourself in Winter.

Girls Don’t Be Shy, Aim High

Jessica Mount on 13 November 2021

Have you ever been told you that you are not good at something because of your sex? Or that it is ‘unusual’ that someone of your sex is doing your degree or has your hobbies? Most likely, you are a woman. 

Things like this can make us question ourselves and doubt our abilities, causing us to think twice about putting ourselves forward or aiming for the top. It’s easy to feel like you’re just pretending to know what you’re doing, waiting all the time for someone to come along and expose you; that you don’t actually deserve your accomplishments. You shouldn’t feel alone if you have these thoughts, as it is so common it has a name: imposter syndrome. It was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Susanne Imes, in their paper identifying that women are more predominantly hit with this inability to internalise and own their successes. When you experience systematic oppression or grow up being directly or indirectly told that you are less than or undeserving of your achievements then imposter syndrome occurs. 

When you were in school, were you ever too shy to put your hand up in class or answer a question out of fear of being called out by one of the ‘class clown’ boys? We teach girls from a young age that it is cute to seem incompetent and have to ask for men’s help, whereas boys are taught that it is cool to throw their weight around and act like they know what they are doing. It’s simple, girls, we need to fake a little confidence too.

I don’t mean bullshit, just be confident. Don’t make things up or fake qualifications, just be a bit more assertive and positive about things. When it comes to careers, studies have shown that how confident we feel about our own abilities can have a major impact from entry level like the chances of actually applying for a job to how likely we are to ask for promotions. One study in particular by Hewlett Packard found that women only apply to jobs that they meet 100% of the requirements for, whereas men apply for those they only meet 60% of the requirements. In fact, one university advertised a job that was for females only and THIRTY men applied. 

You will always come across people that may criticise you and try to put you down, so you need to believe in your own talents and be kind to yourself. One main reason that girls don’t feel ‘qualified’ enough to take certain career routes is because they don’t hear about women doing those jobs. 

“We are more likely to experience imposter syndrome if we don’t see many examples of people who look like us or share our background who are clearly succeeding in our field” – Emily Hu.

This is why it is important to remember that not succeeding, for example at an interview, doesn’t mean you are a failure, you are just one step closer to where you are going. You just have to remember that there is no prize giving at the end, so you can ignore what everyone else is doing, nobody claims first prize!

‘Girls Night In’: Leeds Students Boycott- The Spiking Crisis

Mia Stapleton on 13 November 2021

‘Revolution is coming.’

Following increased reports regarding young students being confronted with violence and malicious spiking attempts, the issue has gained traction across social media platforms. Things need to change in terms of the uncertainty of women’s safety in nightclubs.

On Wednesday 27th October, ‘Girls Night In,’ an organisation founded to raise awareness of spiking levels rising, partnered with the Leeds Student Radio in order to hold a boycott against pubs and clubs in Leeds. Students were told to not attend any clubs or bars on the night of 27th, regarding the urgent matter.

The Instagram page ‘@GirlsNightInLeeds,’ founded by the organisers of the Leeds boycott, Izzy Broadhurst, Isabel Davies and Joscelin Story, gained over 4,000 followers, drawing attention to violence against women and risks to women’s safety. Across the country, similar citywide boycotts have taken place over the Halloween weekend.

‘The risk of spiking makes me hesitant to go out and might make me feel less comfortable when out, due to fearing it happening.’- Student (18) University of Sheffield.

It has been reported that new, more undetectable methods of spiking are developing, with needle injections being the most recent form.  Whilst earlier ways of preventing spiking have been effective, such as drinks covers, how can we protect ourselves from the new and the unpredicted?

‘I think that drink covers and straws are a good way to be safer, however, we should not have to go to such lengths in the first place.’ – Male (18) Huddersfield.

In terms of ‘the bigger picture,’ students are left questioning what can be done in order to reduce the spiking crisis. Students have been left feeling hopeless. Bars and clubs are not doing enough to reduce victim numbers, leaving those to fend for themselves and their own safety.

‘I’ve had girls come over to me and tell me they’ve seen someone put something in my drink, I’ve also had to go tell the same thing to others.’- Female (18) Huddersfield.

Many are calling for ‘all women’s night clubs,’ and safer spaces for women, with an increased pressure on searching before entry to any type of bar or nightclub. No woman, or man, should be in danger under any circumstances whilst out on a night.  Whilst many students believe that increased police forces could aid the matter, most believe that the correct path to improving the crisis is better education for men.

‘Women shouldn’t be afraid to have a good time! Revolution is coming.’- Female (18) Leeds Arts University.

‘I don’t see how any physical measures can stop it. We need to stop people from wanting to do it.’ -Student (18) University of Sheffield.

One of the most eye-opening things to come out of the boycott has been the varied attitudes towards the matter. It has become an increasing concern that spiking is not seen as a serious matter to many, but rather a joke.

‘On a night out, a girl had been spiked. She was laying on the floor and being put into an ambulance, some boys I was with started laughing. It kind of shows what some boys think.’  Female (18) Leeds.

‘I was spiked a few years ago, out in Huddersfield, my friend did it as a joke.’- Male (20) Huddersfield.

In an interview with a male victim, he shared his experience when he was unintentionally spiked alongside his friend, after accidentally picking up a drink from a table that belonged to another girl.

‘We weren’t the intended victims, my friend had a lot more of it and ended up a lot worse off, we both got thrown out of the club. Spiking is scary, it’s a risk that both men and women face. I know a lot more men than women that have been spiked, however, I think that’s because women are made more aware of how to avoid it and taught to watch out for it. I just hope that the girls drink we had was okay. I don’t know how people are getting away with bringing something as dangerous as a needle into a nightclub. The only way that I see the issue being solved is tighter security, the most I’ve ever been searched was my wallet.’

Spiking can be life-threatening; we need better protection for all.

Night Out Alternatives

Lilian Sztankov on 13 November 2021

As a very fresh first year, one of the main things I heard constantly before arriving to Leeds was how unbelievable the nightlife would be. In such a vibrant and lively city, I hadn’t realized that this meant more than just the clubs; the music scenes, the bars, the pubs, the theatres, the concerts, the exhibitions, the list goes on and on. People talked about going out so much I nearly forgot the initial reason I applied for university is to go to lectures and focus on getting a degree.

The stigma around university life is undeniably centered around the social aspect, and this is natural and an important part of growing up. It’s when you find your people and connect on closer and deeper emotional levels, gaining fulfilling friendships and making memories that last for years. You have fun on nights out together, you dance, sing, and despite the cracking headache which inevitably greets you with its stabbing sharp hug the next morning, you’ll always have a story to tell.

Yet, a fun life is also a balanced one. If by the sixth night of the week, you feel a slight desire to stay in joggers, put on a face mask and watch a movie, that is completely understandable. In fact, I would encourage you to listen to your mind and body if it is telling you to rest and clear your mind, and stay in instead. 

Mainstream media preaches wild nights out every night but it’s always good to have a break and this does not necessarily mean needing to shut yourself in your room and to be asleep by 8:30!  

So, if this sounds appealing but you’re stuck on what to do, choose an activity from this list of fun things with flat mates or friends as an alternative to going out – the perfect way to look after yourself while having fun.

  • Movie night: huddle over a laptop or pitch in and get a cheap projector and have a movie marathon night! Everyone can bring a different snack or order a pizza together, and you’ve sorted dinner too. 
  • Have a pampering session: grab some face masks from Boots and bake some brownies so you can feast on your dessert with baby-soft skin.  
  • Host a dinner party: this might come with more planning and maybe cost slightly more but if everyone chips in for ingredients, cooking together is a great bonding experience and you end up with a nice warm home-cooked meal.  
  • Host a quiz night: each of you make 10/15 questions on a particular topic, and you can decide winners’ prizes and losers’ consequences!  
  • Game night: bring some games from back home: Monopoly, Uno, Cards Against Humanity and make it a competition, scoreboard and all.  
  • PowerPoint night: each person presents a PowerPoint to the group on a random topic, the more random, the better! A good example to get you started could be ‘Shrek characters in a Come Dine With Me episode.’

Seasonal Activities  

  • Halloween: spooky season has officially ended but pumpkin carving, watching a scary movie together or thinking of a group costume theme are all good ideas for next year.
  • Christmas – it’s fast approaching! Get into the spirit by decorating a Christmas tree, stringing up some fairy lights, building a gingerbread house while listening to Christmas music or hosting a festive movie marathon. 

Partying can be exhilarating and just what you need after hours of studying, but sometimes naturally you will crave some downtime. So, the next time you feel you still have not recovered from last weekend’s endeavors, try something new together and you might find you enjoy it. Bonus; you’ll save yourself from that hangover.